Ugly

Why am I in this miserable world. Maybe it's just miserable for me. People tell me I'm beautiful and I don't believe them. "You don't know how beautiful you are" they say. No. You're right, I fucking don't, because I feel ugly, and I feel like you are all laughing at me thinking "wow, she sucks and why is she doing this?".

Why am I doing this? Because I don't have the will or motivation to do anything else. Because I don't care enough. Because I just don't care. Maybe I have a weak spirit. I don't know. I don't care enough to keep anyone valuable to me in my life because I'm emotionally numb and devoid or real emotions. It's like my body can't produce them anymore. I feel so socially retarded.

*The night is my world. Such a bright painted girl. In the day nothing matters, its the night time that flatters.* I live among the creatures of the night, I havent got the will to try and fight.

I don't want to dance for you. Spinning around the pole. I want to hide. You don't exist.