Wednesday 31 October 2012

I think I love him.

Why do I fall so easily for guys. Especially guys like him. Could I give you everything you ever wanted?

Tuesday 30 October 2012

Ugly

Why am I in this miserable world. Maybe it's just miserable for me. People tell me I'm beautiful and I don't believe them. "You don't know how beautiful you are" they say. No. You're right, I fucking don't, because I feel ugly, and I feel like you are all laughing at me thinking "wow, she sucks and why is she doing this?".

Why am I doing this? Because I don't have the will or motivation to do anything else. Because I don't care enough. Because I just don't care. Maybe I have a weak spirit. I don't know. I don't care enough to keep anyone valuable to me in my life because I'm emotionally numb and devoid or real emotions. It's like my body can't produce them anymore. I feel so socially retarded.

*The night is my world. Such a bright painted girl. In the day nothing matters, its the night time that flatters.* I live among the creatures of the night, I havent got the will to try and fight.

I don't want to dance for you. Spinning around the pole. I want to hide. You don't exist.

Just checking in

I feel like a burden to you. You only call to make sure I'm alive. I'm fine, because I have to be, no thanks to you. I didn't get your stupid package. Im sorry, I was busy selling my body for money. I know you've been keeping tabs on me, and normally, I would care about calling you back. But not now.

I used to be so at peace, but now I always feel tired or sick. Everywhere I turn there is someone waiting to attack me. I just don't get the point of all of this.

Maybe I just need to relax and let go.

I believe that everything will be fine. Just let go.

You are so oblivious to my life. You don't deserve to be any part of it. I'm not going to call you back. You forced me into this life through your neglect and selfishness. A part of me hates you so much but another part wishes that we were just a normal family.

This life is a constant struggle for me and sometimes I just wish it would stop. I try to numb the pain but it keeps getting harder and harder the more I try. Im even failing at that.

I cant lie no more, I cant hide no more, gotta be true to myself.

Come home for Christmas? No fucking way. Fuck you.